Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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