then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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