I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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