So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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