So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
