Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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