So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
