why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
