I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Found your dick twin last night
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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