How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
