Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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