You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
