Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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