I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
