Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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