White coat. Heels.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
