I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
