I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
