Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
last night I used snow as a chaser
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
