I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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