Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
