I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
