there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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