haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
