I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
50% drunk capacity currently
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Randomize
