I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
