We're facebook friends in real life
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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