A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Buhtt sex?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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