i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And then the night went full on bisexual.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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