My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
