the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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