We're like a lot better than the average bears
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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