how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
