She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Vodka?
Forever.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Randomize
