I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wish I only lived at night.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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