i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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