I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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