apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i need to put some appletini on your dick
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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