I'm sorry my penis didn't work
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
