i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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