Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
