You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
