the condom got lost in my hair
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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