you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
