Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
