1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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