the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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