I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
