I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize