I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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