Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He felt like a one man threesome
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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