I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
