Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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