theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
