im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
