i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
