And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
