I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
