apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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