john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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