You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
false alarm, still single
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize