I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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