I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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