I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
if only i could text you this smell
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
