We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
