from now on my penis is your penis
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
