God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
