So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
