and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
