dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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