hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
